Okay so like it was the first day of summer in the year 1510. The sun rose over the temple of the moon. I appeared in a flash of light juxtaposed against the morning twilight. The locals instantly sensed an omen and armed themselves, ready to disembowel me. Luckily a friend of mine in the program tattooed some Aztec hieroglyphics into my skin, explaining how I was a messenger sent to teach the locals the "tongue of the gods," to prepare them for their reckoning.
So they took me to the house of the local high priest, and rather than giving me any time to rest, they made me teach them...Seriously, I just traveled back in time five hundred years, and I can't even take nap. I think this is going to suck.
So anyway, they don't have any copy machines, so I had to start by teaching them the English alphabet, by writing in in the sand with a stick. My first class had about twenty students, and it seemed like it lasted for two hours. They don't have any clocks here so I didn't know when I would begin or end. Finally I just made some hand gestures and left.
I really wanted to check out Teotiuacan. I wanted to find all of the cool bars and stuff. I went to what I thought was downtown, but was actually a temple plaza, where they were performing some human sacrifices. There was this amazing barbecue smell. I totally got taken in by it, but failed to notice the rack of skulls that was at the base of one of the temples. This dude called me over and offered me a piece of meat off of this bone that looked really long. I tried some of the meat, it was pretty good, but later I realized that it was a human femur. I'll tell you what that is going to be the last time I ate femur, despite how delicious it was.
Man, it was kind of a bummer walking around ancient Mexico. Everybody was staring at me. When I tried to get a snack, I didn't know how. I don't know if people use money here, or how can I even get some money. I'm going to totally ask the high priest later if he can give me a loan or something. I'll pay him back.
Oh and talk about racist. I'm pretty sure I just got shot with a blow gun dart. Back home in Canada people usually don't treat foreigners this poorly.
Toodles for now.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Introduction: The Downtrodden Solidarity Project
Disclaimer* this blog is a work of fiction.
Hello.
My name is Jeff Swiner. I graduated from the University of Western Ontario on London, Ontario. I have a masters degree in traditional metalurgy. These days there isn't much demand for classically trained black smiths in Canada, so in 2003 I packed my bags and moved to South Korea to become an ESL instructor.
Working in Korea afforded me many opportunities that I probably never would have recieved back in Canada. The most recent one was to be a member of the "Downtrodden Solidarity Project." This project is a high tech effort to change history through the use of time travel and English education.
The leftist Doolkyeorah newspaper in association with Dongul national university have been developing time machines for the last twenty years for the soul purpose of going back in time to change history in order to give conquored peoples the tools that they needed to overcome the struggles that they would have faced in the future.
The pilot project for this endevor was to send native English speakers from all over the world back to Mexico circa 1510 to teach the Aztecs how to speak English so that they can better deal with the Spaniards when Cortez invaded in1517. In order to do become qualified for this project, I had to send a university transcript and a blood test proving that I didnt have type "B" blood.
I endured a rigorus four question interview that probed my interst in movies and favorite Korean foods. I was also the only person to survive the two week orientation. Well it was me and three other people plus this Korean newbie named Cyrus. Cyrus pretty much washed out of the orientation because he asked some pretty stupid questions in my opinion. When they were telling us about the goals of the project he asked why they were trying to teach the Aztecs how to speak present day North American English and not Castillian Spanish.
He was promptly told not to ask such silly questions and the conquistadors will know how to speak English because of the defeat of the Spanish Armada. When he reminded them that that particular war happened 78 years after the desired time frame of our time travel Cyrus was promptly dismissed.
Oh well goodbye Cyrus, and hello Teotiuacan for me!!. I will be blogging using my laptop and KT's wormhole Qook internet connection that uses quantum physics to charge a laptop battery and connect people to the internet. Aztecland here I come!!!
Hello.
My name is Jeff Swiner. I graduated from the University of Western Ontario on London, Ontario. I have a masters degree in traditional metalurgy. These days there isn't much demand for classically trained black smiths in Canada, so in 2003 I packed my bags and moved to South Korea to become an ESL instructor.
Working in Korea afforded me many opportunities that I probably never would have recieved back in Canada. The most recent one was to be a member of the "Downtrodden Solidarity Project." This project is a high tech effort to change history through the use of time travel and English education.
The leftist Doolkyeorah newspaper in association with Dongul national university have been developing time machines for the last twenty years for the soul purpose of going back in time to change history in order to give conquored peoples the tools that they needed to overcome the struggles that they would have faced in the future.
The pilot project for this endevor was to send native English speakers from all over the world back to Mexico circa 1510 to teach the Aztecs how to speak English so that they can better deal with the Spaniards when Cortez invaded in1517. In order to do become qualified for this project, I had to send a university transcript and a blood test proving that I didnt have type "B" blood.
I endured a rigorus four question interview that probed my interst in movies and favorite Korean foods. I was also the only person to survive the two week orientation. Well it was me and three other people plus this Korean newbie named Cyrus. Cyrus pretty much washed out of the orientation because he asked some pretty stupid questions in my opinion. When they were telling us about the goals of the project he asked why they were trying to teach the Aztecs how to speak present day North American English and not Castillian Spanish.
He was promptly told not to ask such silly questions and the conquistadors will know how to speak English because of the defeat of the Spanish Armada. When he reminded them that that particular war happened 78 years after the desired time frame of our time travel Cyrus was promptly dismissed.
Oh well goodbye Cyrus, and hello Teotiuacan for me!!. I will be blogging using my laptop and KT's wormhole Qook internet connection that uses quantum physics to charge a laptop battery and connect people to the internet. Aztecland here I come!!!
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